Green Velvet Cloak
Green Velvet Cloak
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(angel of death) revised. opinions?
ANGEL OF DEATH
A first blush attack- upon pre dawns horizon stars.
A creamy aurora- pre witnessed battle scars.
Battalion assemble- green youth pace teal hills.
Armaments drawn- beryl coats consisting frills.
Rounds discharged- shells descend upon ginger mud.
Rebound ever so lightly- now rest in velvet blood.
A hooded stranger- a cloak tattered within its age.
On a pale horse he sits- fixed upon the wage.
i revised this slightly
That's friggin awesome! You know I haven't been back in this section for a while cause there was a lot of dross to sift through.. so it's nice that my first time back in a while, I found some gold!
Your imagery is very unique and powerful.. velvet blood.. so smooth sounding.. you can see it. Ginger mud.. well done I can see the color of it. You evoke wonderful, colorful images and it's very well done indeed.
Only one suggestion I would make and that would be for the line "beryl coats consisting frills" it's sort of grammatically incorrect.. I would try something like "Beryl coats boasting frills"
You have talent either way, now all you have to do is perpetually refine it..until you are satisfied.. like any good artist is wont to do.
Write on! KC
PS I love the subject too..Probably because I read so many warlike sci-fi fantasy books I have one I wrote about battle as well, different time period.. I'd like to share it, as one poet to another in appreciation for the sharing of your work..
Sharp swords sing out, severing life
hoarse cries shout, death haunts the air
men scream and lurch in boiling strife
gore splashes, soiling grass once fair
shields clash and dull steely blade rasps
horses squeal with bleeding legs
warriors plead with dying gasps
tasting battles bitter dregs
pallid sun hid it's face and wept
soft ground deep with crimson mud
open eyed the unseeing slept
men died, the river ran blood
KC
revised poem (angel of death) HELP CRITIQUE!!!!!!!?
trying to publish a poem need help
A first blush attack- upon pre dawns horizon stars.
A creamy aurora- pre witnessed battle scars.
Battalion assemble- green youth pace teal hills.
Armaments drawn- beryl coats boasting frills.
Rounds discharged- shells descend upon ginger mud.
Rebound ever so lightly- now rest in velvet blood.
A hooded stranger- a cloak tattered within its age.
On a pale horse he sits- fixed upon the wage.
its about the grim reaper waching a war. the last stanza is the grim reaper. in the bible it says "death will come upon a pale horse" or somthin like that
beryl is a greyish blue. well i thought it was. i didnt use much of a thesarus for this one
im not familiar with that passage at all. i think its more of a grey then a blue. couldent realy discribe the color i wanted. like an ashy greyish blue. beryl 
swap out pace for march in 3rd line. green youth march teal hills
please critique this. i wanna publish this
You are definitely talented. The piece is excellent. I wonder why you close them so soon. It is a pity. Write my friend, write! Visit this site and make a Blog. It is free.
http://blogspot.com/
Beryl: the chief source of beryllium; colored transparent varieties are valued as gems. Related gems:
aquamarine (light blue), emerald (light green), morganite.
ebay seller MSFIRECRACKER green velvet coat.mov
Green Velvet Cloak
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Green Velvet Cloak
Sort through a numerous of unique costumes until you find the one that jumps right out at you, the one that transforms you into someone else.
Discover the costume that helps you feel braver, more beautiful, successful, attractive...simply happier.
Buy Green Velvet Cloak from the items shown under here on this page:
|
|
GREEN PANNE VELVET HOODED CLOAK ONE SIZE NEW US $34.88
|
Black Green Cloak Velvet Cape Wicca Medieval Wedding US $39.09
|
Childrens Plush Velvet Cloak Cape RenaissancePrincess PirateSuper Hero US $39.95
|
|
GREEN PIXIE MEDIEVAL POINTY HOOD VELVET TOP DRESS CLOAK 16 L wicca witch emo alt US $39.50
|
Green Velvet Cloak US $50.00
|
50 in Lined Dark Green Velvet Cloak Cape Wicca Wedding US $60.00
|
|
Lined D Green Black Velvet Cloak Cape Pagan Wicca LOTR US $60.00
|
50 in Lined Dark Green Velvet Cloak Cape Wedding Wicca LOTR US $60.00
|
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